Humanity generally splits into two camps: those who treasure their mental clarity and those daring enough to reenact the film "Flatliners" using nitrous oxide to plunge into their psyche like kamikaze pilots. There exists a small intersection of both groups, and I am still determining whether my mission is to grow that population or to expose its existence.

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More than 200 years ago, British chemist Humphry Davy began experimenting with nitrous oxide, inviting poets, scientists, physicians, and other intellectuals to experience its effects firsthand. Recreational inhalation eventually became fashionable among the British upper classes. P. L. Travers, the author of the beloved children’s book, Mary Poppins, even provided us with hints about these secret parties in Chapter Three, entitled "Laughing Gas."

While nitrous oxide was criminalized for sale and possession in the UK as of late 2023, it remains ubiquitous across North America. In the United States, enormous "Galaxy Gas" canisters—some containing thousands of grams of nitrous oxide—are sold openly in convenience stores and vape shops. At the very least, widespread accessibility suggests a deliberate systemic indifference about public addiction.

I have no doubt there are other "psychonauts" who have used nitrous oxide to explore their minds. When the silence surrounding this substance finally breaks, I anticipate a cultural upheaval akin to a "me too" movement—and the list of involved individuals revealed may be shocking.

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I have reached the end of my yellow brick road with nitrous oxide, and my purpose now is twofold: to assist others in breaking the cycle of compulsive use by helping them identify what they are truly searching for within their own internal labyrinth; and to tell my story so that others with broader shoulders will be able to stand on mine, as I did with giants like Nikola Tesla, Philip K. Dick, Aldous Huxley, and George Orwell. Were his notes public, I suspect Tony Hsieh would join this list.

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My descents into the abyss of my own mind initially felt hollow and pointless. Yet, beneath the confusion, I had an intuitive sense that I was learning something I could not yet articulate: the language of energy, frequency, and vibration that Tesla spoke of. I would spend more than two years attempting to understand and master what I came to think of as simulated near-death experiences. The word simulated is essential to this distinction. I was not actually near death, nor was I deliberately depriving my brain of oxygen. Rather, I came to believe that I was inducing a convincing approximation of certain near-death phenomena through a combination of the Fink Effect and intensive meditation.

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My working hypothesis was that, by altering my breathing and entering deeply meditative states, I was changing the way my brain monitored and interpreted my own experiences. I imagined my brain as a computer: when its usual processes of observation, recording, and prediction were disrupted, a kind of near-death experience program eventually began to run. The result, as I understood it, could include familiar features associated with near-death accounts, such as a life review or the sensation of moving through a tunnel. Over time, I began to think of the experience as a simulation rather than a literal brush with death. In my interpretation, the challenge was to explore these altered states without crossing into physical danger. 

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Most people should not attempt to dive into the abyss or pursue the more intense, advanced stages of this experience. In my view, doing so demands a troubling paradox: a willingness to push past what feels like the edge of life, coupled with an unwavering determination to remain alive. If not for the hereditary "suicide gene" that seems to run in my family and my stubborn resolve to go on living for the sake of my children, if nothing else, I doubt I would have gone as far as I did.

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At times, I felt taunted by an uncontrollable need to find my way through my labyrinth until I crossed through a vortex. Looking back from the other side, I realized I had successfully hacked my own reality—but not without paying a significant price financially, physically, and psychologically.

To my fellow nitrous oxide psychonauts:

Beginner Phase:

* Did you ever feel like you briefly "caught a wave" in your mind, only to lose it and forget how you got there?

* Has your tolerance increased for the initial balloon but dropped for those that followed? (Did you require a larger amount to get into the zone, but end up using less to progress within the zone?)
* Did you feel your consciousness short-circuiting or teleporting you to familiar mental places or landscapes that escape verbal description?
* Did your consciousness and external reality seem to synchronize perfectly with your music?

* Did you ever perceive yourself as the Universe experiencing life through your own physical nervous system?

* Did you ever feel as though you were unlocking memories of your existence prior to your birth? 
* Did you observe that the substance tended to be intensely addictive for those with mental health struggles, yet naturally self-limiting for those without?
* Did you perceive a simulated overdose or near-death experience from which you recovered the moment the inhalation ceased?
* Did you perceive visual or auditory electrical currents?
* Did electronic devices or lights flicker?

* Did you feel like you were learning techniques or having epiphanies that you struggled to remember due to substance-induced amnesia?

* When overusing, did you feel caught in an eternal depressive vortex where all meaningful signs and synchronicities vanished?

* Do you feel a sense of deep shame and abandonment during periods of heavy overuse?

Intermediate Phase:

* Did you notice glitches or synchronicities in reality that you kept secret, fearing no one would believe you?
* Did your streaming algorithms recommend songs that seemed to serve as divine proof of a higher power?
* If you have pets, did they exhibit agitation or excitement during your sessions?
* Have you ever believed that your mind was invincible or that death was impossible with nitrous oxide?
* Have you sought ego dissolution and personal growth through this practice, emerging with profound insights?
* Did you experience time warps in which time accelerated or slowed down significantly?

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Advanced Phase:

* Did you experience an instantaneous, telepathic "life review" that clarified your ultimate purpose in life?

* Have two or more clocks slowed down in unison?
* Did you feel the sensation of a foreign object being implanted in body?
* Could you sense an electromagnetic field coursing through or around your body?
* Did you feel a physical force pulling you in a directional current?
* Did it feel as though you were navigating a telepathic game, communicating with a loving entity or testing your soul?

* Did reality glitch when your brain lost the ability to record, analyze, or predict one moment to the next?
* Did you feel like a player in a game or intuitively sense that you had an audience?

* Did thoughts enter your mind that seemed to originate from an external source?

It should become clear to users by the intermediary phase that it is at least possible that we are experiencing life on a quantum plane of energy, frequencies, and vibration, and that we are in the process of discovering what Nikola Tesla referred to as the "key to the universe." Once you experience this, it won't seem so far-fetched to imagine the possibility that elite groups of people have long been using nitrous oxide to not only manifest the dystopian world we find ourselves in, but to start feeding this "soma" to us to keep us sedated and compliant. 

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I wouldn’t know where to begin when it comes to fixing our broken systems, but the first step in achieving a major change is to cultivate a collective hope that change is achievable.  I believe it is possible for the left and right to unite and fight against the 1%, and I believe each one of us was put on the Earth to play a vital role in achieving that victory. We are all asleep at the wheel while the 1% construct their AI armies and build their underground fortresses so they can hide like the spineless worms that they are. The world has become a harsh landscape for those who lead with their hearts, as greed and manipulation often propel the cold-hearted further in this game of life. I don’t have all of the answers, and the most crucial question I have is: how much time do we have to wake everyone up? 

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Most people won’t need to use nitrous oxide in order to accomplish their missions, and they can skip over the Techniques section of my book. They don’t need another self-proclaimed guru to give them a step-by-step guide to achieving happiness, let alone a guide to achieving an awakening through repeated simulations of near-death experiences. Most people just want to live in a world that is beautiful and just – a world that rewards those who embody the virtues that we were taught would lead us toward the American Dream – virtues like resilience, grit, kindness, creativity, honesty, compassion, integrity, and an insatiable quest for wisdom.    

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If we don’t wake up and fight, a Brave New World will come true and nitrous oxide will become our soma. If there were ever a relatively safe drug to combat the opioid crisis,  it would be the power of nitrous oxide when combined with music, meditation, and breath work.

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I’m sure I won’t be the only person who has developed techniques with this substance, and once the techniques become mainstream,  it could very well become a safer opiate of the masses. Whether this is a good thing or a bad thing depends on who is in control of the supply and the narrative. People who crave power will create new religions and try to sell us on new cult leaders to worship. They may try to get us all hooked on an infinite supply to keep us docile and compliant until we kill ourselves or each other, but their plans will only work if we allow them to keep us in a low frequency. As long as I maintained my bearing towards the light, nitrous oxide was incapable of hurting my brain or my heart. It was only when I used it to attempt to escape from loneliness and shame that it sucked me into a whirlpool of despair and misery that I wouldn’t wish upon my worst enemy.

If you have not started using this substance, I urge you to wait—particularly if you are young. Although it appears that most people who try nitrous oxide do not become addicted, the simulated near-death experiences are the most addictive sensations I have ever encountered. Surfing the music became easy; it was returning to the shore voluntarily that was always a challenge for me. Fear occasionally stopped me from going deep enough, and shame often prevented my return to reality.

After hundreds of sessions over three years, my intellect remains intact, if not sharper. I have traded my thick skin—once necessary to work as a competent divorce lawyer—for a vulnerable, kinder heart. I now experience a contentment I thought was lost to childhood. While my bloodwork and medical scans are in the clear, my eyes often felt robotic, like a glitching avatar with frayed wires. We need far more research before people are encouraged to use my techniques to obtain therapeutic effects from nitrous oxide.

To those of you who will chastise me for encouraging dependence on this soma – my primary purpose it to minimize the suffering of those abusing nitrous oxide, and the only way I was able to stop voluntarily was by learning how to do it well. It can be an awful drug, capable of causing psychosis, nerve damage, and paralysis if precautions aren’t taken.

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Anyone who tries my techniques should consider themselves warned that the easy euphoric high they’ve enjoyed at parties may never be the same once they see how meaningful and sacred the experience can be. Over time, achieving a state of resonance at parties became next to impossible with the incessant beats and interference patterns surrounding me. See: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XSFQ5hYS29E I quickly lost interest in the brief and confusing high that I used to enjoy socially – I wanted to touch heaven, and I wouldn’t stop until I knew I’d gotten as close as I safely could. 

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Although I would hate to lure anyone into trying this substance, I’m not introducing anyone to a new drug by any means. According to ChatGPT, 200 – 600 million people have tried nitrous oxide recreationally at least once, so the cat is already out of the bag. If that cat turns out to be Schrodinger’s cat, then we may finally have the answer to that age-old question of whether the cat is alive or dead. Based on my experiences, it appears that curiosity killed the cat… but satisfaction brought him back.

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ChatGPT might be able to estimate how many people have used nitrous oxide recreationally, but we have virtually no insight into how many people have struggled with compulsive use because it is a drug that is often abused in solitary, and those who do so may be reluctant to share their shameful experiences with others. As a result, this is a silent and invisible pandemic that I am racing to uncover before it’s too late. 

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If you are already abusing nitrous oxide because you know that there’s something to be learned or gained from the experience, I genuinely hope that my techniques will help you to find what you’re looking for so that you can taper down your use. Once you’ve succeeded, I hope we’ll be able to band together to use the power of energy, frequencies, and vibration to manifest a better world: See: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8SWFz0DyqDw

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